Jig (jig) wrote in fuckyouimhot,

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Insecurities Ahoy


I'm Jig.

I just started an arts school this year and I thought everything would be peachy keen unlike the school I left which was merely okay. I mean, I had friends and everything, but there were also the mean preppy girls who thought I was a lebian for like a day, and the nasty republicans who harassed my friends and I for being anti-war.

So I left.

Now I'm here, and most of my friends here are people I knew from middle school. Sure, I met new people. I'm not an anti-social loner. It's just that I feel like people don't really like me. They just, oh, they tolerate me.

I mean, I don't think I'm that annoying.

I add them to my friends list on lj and they forget or neglect to add me back. It's mostly people in my prime. And it doesn't help that the other new kid seems to be so cool and liked by everybody.

No one is outright mean, don't get me wrong, but it seems a forced niceness, like an "oh, it's you" kind of thing. Like I'm not really wanted.

I'm too loud.
Too happy.
Too outspoken.

I don't know.

But I'm getting sick and tired of it and I feel like I'm going to snap. In a lot of ways I think I have plenty of self-confidence. I can get on stage and whip through a piece with my orchestra, or do a monologue, or go up to that hot stranger on the street and ask him for a hug. If my friends are there. If I'm alone then I don't know.

It doesn't work.

I get worried about friends and boys.

But we'll save the boys issue for another post.

Have A Nice Day,
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